Wish You All a (Not-so-)Happy Environment Day

So people, it’s the World Environment Day. The great priest to whom we all owe 90% of our knowledge preaches “World Environment Day (‘WED’) is celebrated every year on June 5 to raise global awareness to take positive environmental action to protect nature and the planet Earth. It is run by the United Nations Environment Programme” (Yeah, Yeah, I am talking about Wikipedia).

So what are you waiting for people? Saint Wikipedia has put forth their wish. It’s time to buckle up your belts, go out, and hug a tree or maybe settle down for a ‘Dharna’ beside a river bank. What? That went out of fashion 30 years ago? Seriously? God, I need to update myself. Never mind, that’s probably because I live near Rajghat(Yeah yeah, I don’t. That was a bad one).

Okay, let me give it another shot. People, it’s environment day. Don your ‘Earth Saving’ caps, go out and take a selfie with the tree outside, before someone axes it down or maybe take a walk by the nearest pond, before it submerges into another one of those ‘Nalas’. Oh wait, you’ll always have swimming pools right? Yeah, you can skip the latter task.

 Selfie Project - Tree Sloth

Oh god, Where the hell are my Indian manners? I ought to greet you all with wishes first and foremost (please don’t complain to my elders).

First to my favourite kind of people, THE ONE DAY ENVIRONMENT ENTHUSIASTS. They have days like environment day, earth day etc marked in their phone calendars. Commeth the day, they suddenly turn into the highest authority on environment education, delivering long fledged lectures on how horrible the condition of environment is and how human apathy is the primary cause. They’ll be the first ones to update a long, dictionary laden status and also the first ones to forget each and every word they preached. Well, Happy Environment Day to you all lovely people.

Now, to the serious ones- THE QUASI ACTIVISTS. They proclaim themselves as the flag bearers of environment and ‘The Last superheroes who will save the earth’(oaky, not that). They usually average 2-3 dharnas a year, one full fledged campaign(which is more helpful to their political careers than environment) and in terms of effect- a big round zero(maybe even negative). A very happy environment day to you good people.

And finally coming to THE WHY-SHOULD-I-GIVE-A-DAMN DUDES. Their parents ensured that they never had to break a drop of sweat, or had to wait for water or electricity. Try sermonizing them on the various scarcities the majority is facing and you’ll probably get replies like- “Dude, I know the earth constitutes 70% water. Don’t try to fool me. And air? God, it’s everywhere. How could we ever run out of air”. (Well, I would advice you to not to get into an argument with them). To all these dudes, a happy environment day (that is if you actually know what it is).

Why the hell am I looking outside? I am writing this piece under the comfort of my 2 ton air conditioner which hardly gets any rest. Happy freakin Environment Day to me.

Hey, you know what, nature even has an environment day present for all of us and it is………


Oh no sweetie, that’s not a thumbs up. That’s his Indian brother- ‘The Thenga’. Yeah, That’s what we’re going to get from nature. That’s all we’re going to get.

If you’re expecting some sought of suggestions to follow, I am sorry, you’re going to be disappointed. I don’t have anything for you.

We’re doomed people, we’re doomed.


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