I’ll just get straight to it, after all, ain’t nobody got time for long introductions! HAVE’s
1. JUNK :
Okay, so here’s the deal (all you ‘anti-carb’ freaks please step aside), junk is by far the most important part of watching a game, it’s like the staple food for that one month when we’re all sitting at the edge of our knickers throughout the match from dusk to dawn (because we’re Asians and are blessed with the blasted graveyard shift) anxious about the outcome. Anxiety food, as it is called, is an essential part of the football-diet. Some ways in which we eat this God-given gift are:-
- Pre-Match Commentary or Café Rio: Here have a chip.
- Line-ups and predictions: Here have a chip
- Players walking onto the pitch: Here have a chip
- National anthem time: Here have a chip
- Coin-toss: Here have a chip
- Let the games begin! But first: Here have a chip
- Mid-match binging: Here have a chip(s)
- Half-time: Fresh Packet
And so on and so forth….it’s a long LONG process where we subconsciously devour a 1000 calories (this is not how we lose weight people!), who cares, it’s the World cup.
2. DRINKS: So what do we wash down ‘Here have a chip’ with? Yes, that’s right, beer, good old beer or Ice-Tea (for us noble things who are denied the freedom of alcohol by age and parents. Hate those sports bars! Not really). Chilled drinks accompanied by your match-mates with a side of cholesterol and a dash of possible heart diseases, yeah, that’s how we roll *insert cool emoticon right about here*!
3. BARB-E-QUES: So, some people belong to that category where watching a game without heavy laughter and grilled non-veg is just not possible! That’s right, I call them the ‘Chaddi-Buddies’ (Underwear Buddies to be precise). These people will pull out a grill, put in piping hot coal (yes, even in 48 degrees), set coffee tables and chairs around the 60 inch flat LED with the sound of glasses clinking and chest thumping throughout the match while the food is grilled by the (no male chauvinism intended) mother of the house who has no idea whatsoever of the on goings but, is nonetheless in pony-land. Good idea, isn’t it?
4. PRAYERS: According to me, the MOST important requirement of the evening is prayer. The almighty, the death-giver, the joy-bringer, the shape-shifter, world-creator et al (please be good to me) is sitting up there, watching a live-telecast on his globally-inched-not-so-flat LED TV and controlling whether or not we get to watch the world cup. Yeah, you heard me. I’ll explain:-
a. Thunder storm: Satellite TV gone. Kapush!
b. Thunder Storm Again: Electricity gone for 10 hours!
c. 48 Degrees: Oh the unbearable psychological heat even in an A/C room!
d. Dog factor: Your dog decides to chew the cable (yes it has happened). And of course the obvious prayers to save our favourite team’s rear-side from turning into roast-side.
5. RESULTS: For us Indian college kids, June-July are the wicked months when that dreaded result of those dreaded exams we never studied for comes out. So in short, if your result ain’t savin’ your hind, you ain’t watchin’ 22 hinds runnin’ around in tight shorts my friend!
As SUPERWOMAN says: Aaaand that’s a Wrap!!